yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my shit smells like andre
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
