chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
