Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
