i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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