Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
