I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize