How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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