atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
