speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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