If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
