he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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