im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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