i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
