Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
