Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
