I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
