Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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