my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
