I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
