used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
