Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
