I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
