He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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