Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
