Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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