And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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