I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize