I wish I only lived at night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
