had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
