Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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