the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
