Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
