My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
