I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
