just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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