I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
