worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
