garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
