Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
