Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
