so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
