I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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