come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
