Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
