I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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