Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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