I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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