So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
