just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
