I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
