this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
