I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
