I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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