She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
