So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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