take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
