During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
pray to the hookup gods
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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