I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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