I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
