sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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