You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
