you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
