So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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