Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
