is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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