Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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