I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just fell off a train. Bad.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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