My cat gives me a boner
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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