Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
