Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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