her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
