Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
